The Wacky Deli: Archive

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The Shire tops Forbes’ list of most miserable...

Move over Mordor, you’re no longer the worst place around any more. In a stunning upset, The Shire has surpassed the Land of Shadow as being the “most miserable place to live on Middle Earth” according to Forbes magazine’s annual ranking. The survey, which took into account everything from daily commute times to troll attack rates, blasted The Shire for being populated by “chronically...

Feb 29th

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Feb 28th

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Feb 27th

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Paralyzed particle physicists have needs... →

Feb 24th

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Feb 23rd

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Feb 23rd

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Feb 23rd

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Feb 22nd

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“Applebee’s is a second rate Chili’s. And Chili’s is third...”

– Truman Capote

Feb 22nd

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“I’m going all Leslie Knope on this shit.”

– Me (it’s great my new found discovery of “Parks and Recreation” is starting to seep into my lexicon)

Feb 16th

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Feb 11th

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Feb 9th

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Feb 8th

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Feb 8th

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Feb 8th

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Feb 7th

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Feb 6th

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Feb 6th

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Feb 6th

71 notes

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Feb 6th

26 notes

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" KHJSjKRTFd8 wants to follow you on Twitter"

Yeah, like THAT’S gonna happen. I refuse to reward spambots who won’t even come up with a half-way clever name for themselves.

Feb 5th

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“I love Petron! Its shots make me BOLD! Bold bold bold they make me BOLD!”

– Chick at the bar

Feb 5th

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Some major office drama going down today

Receptionist: You haven't happened to see the Palm Olive dishwashing detergent, have you?
Me: (Puzzled stare).
Receptionist: You probably didn't even know we had it, did you?
Me: (Slowly shake my head).

Feb 3rd

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“It is my goal in life to write books so dull and full of convoluted symbolism...”

– Ayn Rand

Feb 3rd

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Feb 2nd

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Feb 1st

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Feb 1st

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Jan 31st

165 notes

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Well hellooooo new visitors!

Welcome to my Tumblr - I hope you’ll find some of the stuff here amusing. This is mostly a satirical/parody page that pokes fun at everyone and everything in politics, pop culture, entertainment and the like. I really have no sacred cows and no agenda besides mockery. Well, other than the fact I think Newt Gingrich is the world’s largest douchebag. I live in Chicago’s Logan Square...

Jan 30th

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Jan 30th

42 notes

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Jan 30th

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Jan 29th

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“It’s amazing how many people get helped by being on my show.”

– Jerry Springer

Jan 29th

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Jan 29th

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I heart tipsy wine tasting booth ladies

Wine Tasting Booth Lady: Are you guys driving home?
Me: No, we're cabbing it.
Wine Tasting Booth Lady: Great! Now let's get drunk.

Jan 28th

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Jan 27th

564 notes

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Jan 27th

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Jan 27th

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President John Tyler's grandson: Unplugged! →

On Gingrich: “He’s a big jerk.” On Obama: “Well, I think he’s a charming man, but he grew up in the society where he believes in running the show and changing the apple cart and taking it away from those that have.” Yeah, it totally drives ME crazy when politicians try to take away my apple cart.

Jan 27th

Anonymous asked: newt gingrich is a patriot and a greater man then you'll ever be

Jan 26th

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Top 10 other Reagan diary criticisms of Newt...

Despite Newt’s claim he worked closely with Ronald Reagan, the candidate took heat this week after opponents found a passage in the former president’s diary slamming his defense proposals. After perusing the diary further, we found 10 more instances in which Reagan was less than complimentary – and here they are! 10. “Something about the fellow makes me want to pound him again and again with...

Jan 26th

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