So the Tumblr meetup last night had an overabundance of guys. Guys who don’t mind an overabundance of guys if you catch my drift. My friends I talked into coming with me are no encouraging me to reconsider my sexual identity ‘cause according to them, “if you ever decide to go gay, you definitely fill a niche,” and ,”I’m pretty sure your dating troubles would be over.”
Wisconsin Governor recruits galactic bounty hunters to capture fleeing state senators
BY DEREMY UNDERHILL
MADISON, Wisconsin. — Seeking to force a vote on sweeping state pension cuts, Wisconsin Governor Scott “Darth” Walker has hired a gaggle of the galaxy’s best bounty hunters to round up 14 Democratic state senators who fled the state to prevent a vote on the reductions.
The senators were last seen yesterday in Rockford, Illinois where they holed up in the guest rooms of the city’s only “Zagat rated” motel and played Twister for several hours. Their current whereabouts are unknown.
Soon after the senators’ escape was confirmed, the Dark Lord of the Cheese summoned the bounty hunters to the Governor’s Mansion in Madison, where he instructed them on the need to bring the runaways back to the Senate, which would allow a quorum to be called in order to pass the measures
“There will be a substantial reward for the one who finds the fugitives,” Darth Walker told the assembled bounty hunters. “You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want them alive. No disintegrations.”
In love with with a nun? Need advice? Then ASK THE TROLLS!
Have you ever faced a life problem so crazy you can’t even bring it up with your friends because they’d think you’re a big freakin’ weirdo? Well fortunately you have another place to turn – anonymous Internet trolls!
Take this married guy with two kids, who turned to random strangers on “Yahoo Answers” to get some tips on how to handle the fact his wife is divorcing him for falling in love with a nun.
Interestingly, his narrative makes no mention of how old the nun was. It’s possible he could have a thing for spinstery old women in religious garb, like that octogenarian nun in Sister Act who played the piano. We just don’t know.
If wacky, far-fetched tales of nun lust interest you, follow the whole sordid story here and the helpful anonymous advice it prompted, including:
Answerer 2:“There is nothing wrong with falling for a nun! there (sic) people too and some are really beautiful… Fell in love with a NUN myself, never married But did get some!”
And Answerer 5: “leaver (sic) her, bud. think: the nun has not been with anyone before where as your wife lost track of who she slept with when she counted to 111”
"The Register Star received more than a dozen complaints from Chrysler employees or their spouses about the fact Chrysler decided to continue its second shift Tuesday even after the blizzard made many roads impossible to navigate."
Atta way to treat the workers, Chrysler! There truly is no better way to boost staff morale than having employees keep working during a Category 5 blizzard.
10 cheesy names for the Great Chicago Blizzard of 2011
From “Snowmageddon” to “snOMG,” people have been coining some pretty cheesy names for the Great Chicago Blizzard of 2011. In that spirit, The Wacky Deli’s crack team of parody blizzard writers came up with a few of their own! We give them kudos for coming to work on a snow day and braving the blizzard to write them (although it was under protest after the publisher threatened to cancel their health care coverage if they didn’t show up).
Below are the Wacky Deli’s top 10 cheesiest names for the blizzard:
l0. The Sleetwave
9. State of Snowmergency
8. The Snowstravaganza!
7. Snowing Pains
6. The Snoprah
5. The Nor’Midwesterner
4. Snow Whiteout
3. Rahm Emanuel Presents: “The Worst Motherf*cking Snowstorm Ever”