The Telegraph has the whole tragic saga. It’s bad enough this poor cat has a Hitler mustache marking…but did they HAVE to have it pose with its paw doing a Nazi salute? All that’s missing is a swastika collar and a little brown pet coat for it to wear.
A Humble Suggestion for Solving the Debt Crisis: Replace US Dollars with Monopoly Money
BY DEREMY UNDERHILL
I’ve had just about enough of this debt ceiling BS. Yes, we get it – the Republicans don’t want to raise taxes on the rich bastards and the Democrats don’t want to cut welfare for the poor bastards. Meanwhile, nobody is looking out for the middle class bastards, except maybe the Libertarians. But they don’t count because there’s only like five of them, and they’re too doped up on ganja to do anything productive except eat Oreos and watch porn.
What we really need is a courageous leader to step forward and take the lead on the debt issue – someone like Ronald Reagan or JFK. Only not them because for one thing they’re dead, and for another cloning of deceased ex-presidents is at least 10 years away.
Besides The Onion, of course! I’m looking to expand the Tumblrs I follow that are funny, humorous, witty, sarcastic, wacky, even slightly off-kilter to help me get through my day as a soulless bureaucratic drone.
Preferably nothing related to cats (nothing against our feline friends, mind you, I just think the whole cat shtick is being a little overdone).
Top 10 ways John Boehner is forcing the Tea Partiers to support his debt ceiling bill
House Speaker John Boehner (R-Oompaland) is having a hell of a time getting reluctant Tea Party Congressmen to back his debt ceiling legislation. Below are the top 10 desperate methods he’s using to compel their support.
Ok so I’m in bed, and I am far too exhausted to blog bout my day. Tomorrow I am viewing cars, today I have been awake for 23 1/2 hours, 18 of which I was traveling. Night night tumblr, bids and pics to post tomorrow xxxx
Welcome to the most powerful nation in the world Western Hemisphere my friend! Hope you have safe travels on your cross country road trip.
Bachmann: Deploy army of Robotic Richard Simmonses to patrol Mexican border
DES MOINES – Saying America has a solemn duty to secure its southern frontier, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann today proposed sending an army of Robotic Richard Simmonses to the Mexican border to put a halt to illegal immigration once and for all.
“My fellow Americans, with my Robotic Richard Simmons Border Preservation Initiative in place, we can stop the flow of Mexicans into our country and send them jazzercising right back across the Rio Grande,” Bachmann told supporters at a rally in North Liberty, Iowa.
US NEWS POLL: "Which politician has the most sex appeal?"
Oh man, things are looking downright grim for Obama. Not only is the economy tanking and America teetering on the brink of fiscal collapse, but now more people apparently think a guy who wears crazy Mormon underwear is sexier than he is.
Obama's decision to tap the Strategic Kool-Aid Reserve comes under attack
WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama is coming under fierce Republican criticism for his recent decision to release 30 million gallons of faux-juice from the nation’s Strategic Kool-Aid Reserve.
While the White House claims the move would help working families hit hard by a sharp uptick in Kool-Aid prices – which reached a record high 57 cents a gallon in May – GOP critics are questioning whether it has more to do with partisan politics than punch prices.
“For two and a half years, President Obama has been asleep at the switch as flavored drink costs rose higher and higher,” said former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney at a campaign stop in Cornish, New Hampshire on Wednesday. “Now that his poll numbers are in the tank, he’s suddenly jumping into action. I’d like to know where he was two months ago, when Kool-Aid prices first spiked to nearly 60 cents a gallon? This half-measure is too little, too late.”
CHICAGO: Mayor Emanuel vows to round up "flash hail" attackers
CHICAGO, Ill. – Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel today vowed to track down and capture the assailants in Thursday night’s flash hail attacks in the city.
At 9:30 pm, about 2 billion kumquat-sized hail stones suddenly appeared throughout the Chicago area – smashing windows, vandalizing cars and causing an estimated $4 million in damages. Hundreds of amateur videos and photos were taken of the attacks, showing a brutal, violent assault on helpless sidewalks, buildings and vehicles.
Witnesses say the assault lasted for about 15 minutes, after which the hail abruptly vanished as quickly as it appeared. Despite video widespread documentation, so far no hail pieces have been arrested in connection with the attacks.
On Friday morning, a strident Mayor Emanuel held a City Hall press conference to calm the public and ensure them everything was being done to prevent similar icy incidents.
“This kind of senseless attack will not be tolerated as long as I’m the mayor of Chicago,” Emanuel told reporters. “I have total confidence that our police force will track down every piece of hail responsible for this carnage and bring them to justice.”
The Mayor went on to announce he would be putting 100 extra cops on Chicago’s streets to deter any future flash hail attacks, and redirecting another 350 officers currently working on Alderman Edward Burke’s security detail to the city’s new Hail Prevention Unit.