Move over Mordor, you’re no longer the worst place around any more.In a stunning upset, The Shire has surpassed the Land of Shadow as being the “most miserable place to live on Middle Earth” according to Forbes magazine’s annual ranking.
The survey, which took into account everything from daily commute times to troll attack rates, blasted The Shire for being populated by “chronically obese simpletons who lack even a basic grasp of hygiene” and for missing “any form of discernible culture, beyond binge drinking mead at seasonal festivals.”
According to Forbes, Mordor’s improved position on the list is due to strides it’s made in making life slightly less horrible for its residents, including the establishment of universal preschool for orklings and the opening of a new Caribou Coffee on the concourse level of Mt. Doom.
Rounding out the top five most miserable places after The Shire and Mordor are Moria (“the dark damp mine air makes life a living hell for asthmatics”), Bree (“the recent discovery of bed bugs at the Prancing Pony Inn has severely hit the area’s only remaining economic engine”) and Isengard (“massive over-mining causes the land to smell like a Balrog’s ass”).