The Wacky Deli

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Top 10 accomplishments Roland Burris has added to his mausoleum since leaving the Senate

Being an individual with a rather robust ego, ex-US Senator Roland Burris (D-Illinois) has built a mausoleum for himself that lists his achievements over the years. Below are the top 10 accomplishments the former (and yes, still living) lawmaker has added to it since leaving the hallowed halls of Congress:

10. Surpassed 20 followers on Twitter

9. Now proficient at Power Point and Adobe Acrobat

8. First Cylon American US Senator

7. Beat the original Contra without using the “Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, , Select, Start” cheat code

6. Reigning Four Square Mayor of the Sbarro at the I-90 tollway’s Des Plaines Oasis

5. Elderly greeter at the new Walmart Express in south Chicago

4. Backup Xylophonist for “The Jimmy Buffet Experience”

3. Adjunct Professor of Corruptive and Perjurious Studies, Chicago State University

2. Third Place, Cook County Senior Putt-Putt Championship

1.  Co-starring in a gay adaptation of “Love Letters” opposite Rod Blagojevich at the Tommy Gun’s Garage dinner theater


Filed under Chicago Illinois Roland Burris Senate funny politics political humor Rod Blagojevich

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