Posts tagged Michele Bachmann
The Wacky Deli
Weird Week just keeps getting weirder
- Jailed convict gets 40% of the vote against Obama in the West Virginia Democratic primary
- Michele Bachmann becomes a Swiss citizen
- John Travolta demanded handies from male masseuse folk, has his own personal hamburger chef
- Viewing child porn in New York = legal, yet
gay marriage in North Carolina = illegal - “Tanning Mom” is now an action figure
- Mystery disease turning cats into zombie robots
Top 10 upcoming Michele Bachmann gaffes
On Monday, Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann accomplished a feat not seen from a politician since the days of J. Danforth Quayle - the rare double gaffe!
“Someone told me that last year that North Dakota was the only nation that actually was running a (budget) surplus. And it’s because they’re utilizing their natural energy resources,” Bachmann said.
FACT CHECK! North Dakota is not an independent nation, though it did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once
FACT CHECK! In reality, three other nations states populated by pasty white folk (Montana, Arkansas and Alaska) also had budget surpluses in 2010
This all makes me wonder - what crazy gaffe will she make next? Below are the 10 most likely possibilities.
10. Confuses John Wayne with John Wayne Bobbitt
9. Wears white nylons after Labor Day
8. Claims dinosaurs went extinct because they all became gay
7. “If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it’s good enough for every child in America to speak.”
6. Casts doubt on the authenticity of President Obama’s third grade “B-” in penmanship
5. Says her favorite member of the Beatles is Bingo
4. “I will give Americans the happy ending Mr. Obama has been unable to deliver.”
3. States the US’s GDP was $14.2 trillion when it’s actually $14.5 trillion
2. Refers to African Americans as “people of coloreds”
1. Claims HPV vaccines can cause young girls to become “crazy-eyed”
This one pretty much speaks for itself.
I’m not sure if this is an improvement or not…
Michele Bachmann to play the eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckleburg in upcoming remake of “The Great Gatsby.”
Bachmann: Deploy army of Robotic Richard Simmonses to patrol Mexican border
DES MOINES – Saying America has a solemn duty to secure its southern frontier, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann today proposed sending an army of Robotic Richard Simmonses to the Mexican border to put a halt to illegal immigration once and for all.
The plan is widely seen as an attempt to “out-conservative” her 2012 Republican primary rivals, especially former Godfather Pizza CEO Herman Cain who last week called for a “Great Wall of China” and alligator-filled moat on the Mexican border to end illegal entry into the United States.
“My fellow Americans, with my Robotic Richard Simmons Border Preservation Initiative in place, we can stop the flow of Mexicans into our country and send them jazzercising right back across the Rio Grande,” Bachmann told supporters at a rally in North Liberty, Iowa.
US NEWS POLL: “Which politician has the most sex appeal?”
Oh man, things are looking downright grim for Obama. Not only is the economy tanking and America teetering on the brink of fiscal collapse, but now more people apparently think a guy who wears crazy Mormon underwear is sexier than he is.
Source: US News and World Report
This Week in Fake History: Lily Munster gives right-wing response to LBJ’s State of the Union
From The Wacky Deli:
by DEREMY UNDERHILL
January 28, 1966 - On this day 45 years ago, famed TV housewife Lily Munster gave the televised rebuttal to President Lyndon Johnson’s State of the Union on behalf of the ultra right-wing John Birch Society. Her stirring “Better Undead Than Red” speech galvanized millions of monsters into joining the conservative movement, which culminated in the election of America’s first Vampire-American president, Count Richard Nixon, in 1968.
After the momentous speech, Lily continued to stay active with the Birchers – basically serving as the late 1960s version of Sarah Palin, only smarter and less frightening. A frequent guest on the talk shows of the era, she infamously stabbed liberal author Gore Vidal in the throat with Johnny Carson’s fountain pen during a heated on-screen argument about the merits of the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. Later, she served as the Secretary of Graves and Necrophilia during Count Nixon’s second term.
It’s also believed she banged then-Secretary of State Henry Kissinger on several occasions.
Today, because of Lily’s impact, monsters remain a key part of the Republican political base, along with regular church goers, hockey moms and folks who refer to soft drinks as “sodie pops.”
